I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize
