you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
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