Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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