I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
