ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Randomize
