i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
