if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
