Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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