My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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