Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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