woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
