No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
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