So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Randomize