i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
mondays should just be called national damage control day
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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