My underwear smells like fireworks.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Randomize
