the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
