I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Randomize
