I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Randomize
