I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize