he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
