is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize