Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
