Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
