At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
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