If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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