I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
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