You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
