he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
false alarm, still single
Randomize
