thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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