I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
