One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize
