The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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