she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Randomize
