I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
