i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize
