last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
