He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize