I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
