in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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