At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Randomize
