I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
