i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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