The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize