He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
