We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
