Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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