he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
