FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize