if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
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