You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Randomize
