your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Randomize
