I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
