is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
