yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
