Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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