im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
