yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
