the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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