the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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