yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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