i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
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