you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
There are leaves in my underwear?
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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