What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Randomize
