Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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