i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
