I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Randomize
