wrigley field is MILF paradise
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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