3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
im holly from the hills drunk
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
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