Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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