i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
