Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I'm too high and old for this...
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
