you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
