I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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