I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize